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Script of feelings

2018-06-17

If brain could talk for a second

Tema: Be temos — SpalvotasVėjas @ 22:01

in the place where i could speak my head out, probably, i would start talking by crying. Well, that’s fine that I’m upset cause i deserve it, but what’s not fine is that I can’t speak my head out. I have this feeling of diversity. everything is in pairs in my head, and the pairs are total opposites and make the same amount of sense and are also walking hand in hand.  One can behave properly if guidance is provided, by the ultimate kindness and logic master. The problem is the master is also human and needs me for his own reasons. So normally we could support each other but somehow we can’t even get up from the ground and we are supposed to be walking, holding hands, laughing, being happy and so on by default. This is absurd. Ridiculous. I can’t put my finger on where was the moment everything collapsed. we were walking, walking and walking, always holding a hand, we let our hands slip for just a second and we got hit separately and so hard that now our legs don’t work and we sit alone, yet so close to each other, but alone.

And oh, there are demons. They survive on my brain. Every second i change my mind they get a snack of my confusion essence. I remember having a very good base on how to have an opinion on my own. I remember being able to argue that opinion, finding facts to support it in my brain. Now i lost the ability to know what is actually mine. I don’t know the truth, i believe almost everything and I’m afraid that if I believe in everything then it’s the same like not believing in anything. Breathing in… Breathing out. Not believing in anything is wrong. Believing I’m all wrong also. But im kind of all wrong, and i have to change my life now. I need a new base, to find out what i believe in. because now it’s just some wind energy in my head turning in circles against me, and im not fighting for so long, but they won’t leave me alone.

Great things happen in a head sometimes. And terrible things also. it’s the best to have both together, in other words normal.

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